


Always

by ReticentRodent



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin is actually calm, Anakins got a crush, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Human Disaster Obi-Wan Kenobi, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Its not reciprocated, Obi Wan is joining the PSTD club, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, pining Anakin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22473067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReticentRodent/pseuds/ReticentRodent
Summary: A One-Shot that takes place days after season 2 episode 5, 'Landing at Point Rain'. We explore the aftermath of Obi-Wan's crash and its consequences.
Relationships: Obikin if you squint - Relationship
Comments: 20
Kudos: 134





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> I have anxiety myself, but have never had a panic attack. I do hope I portrayed it accurately enough, though. Even looked up valid techniques! Enjoy, my friends. This is not beta-read, but I did proof-read it myself. Numerous times.

It started slow.

Although over the course of the Councils’ conference, tension built in Obi Wan’s chest. Tension he could not release to the force, which was unusual, because he understood such technique long ago. Throat tightening, he felt himself trapped underwater, unable to gasp for air and no place to escape whilst his heartbeat pounded in his chest and ears. Obi Wan clenched his fists. Controlled breaths helped maintain his composure. However, concentrating on War debates in the Council Room whilst providing insight and avoiding hyperventilation, not to mention preserving his mental shields proved tricky. Blood thumped in his ears, distant shrieks, light sabre whooshing and sharp blaster shots echoed in the depths of his thoughts. He choked out a sharp exhale as tears pricked.

“Masters, may I excuse myself?”

“Reason any, Master Kenobi?” Yoda spoke.

Oh, nothing serious. Intense anxiety, choking and depersonalization.

“Master Yoda, my previous missions’ effects are ailing me.”

Half the truth, Obi Wan thought as bile rushed up his throat.

“That is no excuse, Master Kenobi.” Master Windu said.

When Obi Wan went to refute, Yoda cut in.

“Harrowing missions, cope differently we all do. Toll on body, it has. In order, rest is.“Yoda sighed, “Go, you may.”

“Thank you, Master.” Obi Wan did not hesitate to walk out of the room, albeit at a moderate pace to avert suspicion. The doors slid open, then sealed as he stepped out. A cursory glance to either side revealed that no one was there. Forcing his legs steady, Obi Wans’ vision warped into a fish-lens like sight as dizziness filled his head; sharp, white hallways distorting. A flush of heat surged up his body. Leaning against the wall, Obi Wan shuffled toward the Jedi Temple. Turning, Obi Wan lost his foothold and collapsed. Flashes of warm browns wrapped their hands around his body. Oh no, oh no, no.

“Obi Wan?” Someone hissed, then snapped in front of his face. There was a pause before he stood, supported into a human-crutch position. “We’ve got to walk like this. Don’t want to draw attention.”

Whoever this was, they understood.

-

Obi Wan was in someones’ room, but it wasn’t his; pressed down onto what seemed to be a bed as his saviour leaned in close.

Anakin?

A wave of relief flashed through his panicked mind, providing a brief respite before terror enveloped him again.

“Wh- What’s happening… to me?” Obi Wan forced out. Fear, overwhelming dread. He grasped his chest, wheezing. Red, mangled masses of body and armour shrapnel sunk into any soft surface available, including eyes. One dangled out, blood pulsating with each blink. It seeped into his skin, groans of pain and glazed eyes begging their General to help.

“First time?” Anakin chuckled, “you’ll know soon after. First, let’s calm you down. If you’re holding back tears, I suggest you cry now.” Anakin’s hand swept over Obi Wans’ on his chest, taking the clenched fist. A harsh sob ripped its path through Obi Wans throat, tears rolling down his cheeks. Anakin’s voice was only an echo in the cacophony of blasters and twisted joints.

“You need not keep your shields up, I’ll hide your force signature.”

Obi Wan shut down, head lolling. A sharp clap startled him, eyes darting across the room.

“Let down your shields. I’ll hide your force signature,” Anakin repeated himself. “Stay with me.”

Obi Wan sniffled before conceding. Sure enough, he felt his own presence disappear. Anakin did not prod into his head, thankfully.

“Great. Now, what's five things you see?"

"Blood, broken legs-"

"No, Obi Wan. You're safe. Who am I?"

"Anakin… "Kenobi hiccuped, body tensing.

"And where are you?"

"With Anakin." He gasped for air, a hand landing on his chest.

"Good job. Can I touch you? It'll help ground."

Kenobi nodded, Anakin’s tone soft yet firm, hand providing much needed stability.

"Breathe with me on count of three."

Obi Wan followed the sound.

"Inhale one… two… three, exhale. Repeat."

Following the words, Obi Wan forced deeper breaths.

"Great. Now, what do you see?"

"Anakin," he scanned the room for visual cues, "wall, dresser, robes, floor."

“Four things you smell?”

Kenobi felt a finger wipe the bottom of his eyelid, clearing new tears threatening to fall. Metallic scents, burning flesh and suffocating smoke.  
.  
"Come back. Hey."

“Your cologne,” Kenobi said through a heave, hearing a smothered laugh. He breathed, notes of pinewood hitting the hardest as he buried his forehead into Anakin’s chest. “Sanitization chemicals,” he struggled with the last two.

"What are your two favourite scents?"

"Jasmine tea and after-storm fog."

“Good job, Obi Wan.“ Anakin said, "three things you hear?"

"Moans, crying-" Obi Wan cut himself off, pausing to breathe. "Anakin's voice, my heart, the fan." Hands stroked his hair, playing with each lock.

“Two of your favourite tastes.”

"Mint, jasmine tea... "

'One thing you feel?

“Fear-”

“Texture wise, what do you feel?”

Kenobi ran a palm through his own hair, down his face toward his beard, entangled into Anakins’ brown locks; silky and curly to the touch. The man jolted away, soon relaxing into it as Kenobi’s hand smoothed down to cup his face. His thumb rubbed Anakin’s cheek bone, which soon grew hot. Returning to lucidity, Obi Wans eyes widened, jerking against the bedframe with eyes still soaked.

"Watch your head, Obi Wan. Don't hit it harder." Anakin climbed onto the bed beside him, "considering the fact you touched me, I think you need to go to the Med Bay."

Drained. Obi Wan's eyes weighed heavy, limbs numb. "You knew the consequences." he murmured, redness blooming onto Obi Wans face as he averted his wet eyes.

"What if I did?" Anakin quirked an eyebrow, gripping Kenobi's chin to tilt his face over and wipe another tear with his thumb. The boy quieted, electing to nudge his head onto Kenobi's shoulder. They sat in tranquil silence, solidarity calming both. Obi Wans limbs laid numb, his eyes heavy-lidded and chest tired. Drained.

"Real quick, count to three again." Anakin coaxed him, "one, two... three." he watched Obi Wan exhale, tension seemingly escaping the body. "Do you feel stable?"

"Yes, actually." Kenobi responded, stretching.

Come to think of it, Anakin’s calming-down-technique was… clever. He engaged the five senses and forced Obi Wan to stay present rather than in his vivid flash-backs. The breathing counts- everything.

"You think I smell good. Obi Wan," Anakin teased, "you nuzzled your head into my chest."

Summoning up energy, Kenobi hit Anakin who snickered.

"You smell like jasmine tea. Weren't kidding when you said you liked it."

"I don't need a meticulous description of my odour, Anakin." He sniffled, wiping his nose.

"Oh, but you do. You're nose blind."

Obi Wan scoffed, "Lucky for me, you don't like tea."

"Don't enjoy drinking it. The scent's nice." Anakin always thought it too watery, unlike caf. Sweet, bold and stimulating caf. A pause lulled the conversation.

"How d'you escape the Council Meeting?"

"I asked to leave. My previous mission took quite a toll."

Anakin stayed silent, as though recalling past assignments. "No kidding," he gestured at Obi Wan, "That crash shook you-" he stopped himself as Obi Wan flinched. "Talking about it sucks, right?"

Obi Wan nodded.

"You had a panic attack. Seems this mission was your breaking point."

Obi Wan did not bother to recall his mission. He didn't want to. Instead, he turned it on Anakin.

"You implied you suffer from panic attacks, Anakin." Obi Wan said.

This time, Anakin did not talk for prolonged moments. It was as though he drifted into another state, unware of his own. Shaking his head, he replied. "Beatings, from Watto. Had panic attacks since eight. Learned to cope with it in battle."

Obi Wan face palmed, "And how did I not sense this?"

"This'll sound laughable, but your force signature calmed me. Never had them while you're with me."

Thank force he proved helpful in some manner.

"That nasty experience…"

"I don't get them as much. Younger, two to three times per day. Now, two a week. And if the world extra-hates me? Three. Lasts five to ten minutes" Anakin shrugs, "then I also got attacks because of Dooku."

"What sets it off?" Obi Wan asked.

"My triggers? When I feel confined or helpless. Sand, sudden touch, the opposite of obedient. For the wars, though… caves, sudden touch, Dooku. Other than that, fighting relaxes me. It's familiar and I'm awesome at it."

"You mean the word diso-"Obi Wan caught himself correcting Anakin, before stopping. Disobedient. He recalled Dooku slicing Anakin's arm off, shivering.

"Windu likes to use that word when I kriff up. Watto did too. Windu must've noticed my reactions." Anakin huffs, "but we need to know your triggers."

"I don't remember what set me off."

"That's okay, Obi Wan. I didn't at first either." Anakin reassured, patting his shoulder. "think you can raise your shields again?"

Without response, Obi Wan built his own again, feeling Anakins' slip away.

"You had panic attacks whilst maintaining mental shields?"

"Welcome to my life, Obi Wan." Anakin shrugged, "You need to eat, though. Blood sugars gotta be low. Attacks are exhausting. Jasmine tea?" Anakin moved off the bed, dusting himself off whilst walking behind the kitchen counter.

"I thought you don't like tea?"

"But you do. So I keep it stocked." Anakin hummed, and Obi Wan's heart clenched. So wholesome and considerate. Anakin began to steep the tea, pulling out what seemed to be chocolate. "This'll raise your sugars." he tossed it to Obi Wan, who caught it via force.

"You just so happen to know my favourite tea?" Obi Wan quirked an eyebrow, and Anakin blushed, "and chocolate?"

"I'm perceptive, Obi. I've seen you prefer dark-chocolate energy bars, not to mention jasmine tea when we set up camp."

“What else do you notice?”

"Your hair is blonde, but it has red flecks. Especially when the sun hits it. You've got lighter blue eyes than me, too. Which is obviously inferior." Anakin continued, "there's a lot of things. How you respond to tones of voices-"

"You're weird, Anakin." Obi Wan scoffed.

“It’s funny,” Anakin said, pouring the tea into a cup and walking over to hand it to Obi Wan, “how I’m the calm, experienced one now.”

Mid-way sipping tea, Obi Wan sputtered. “Master of hiding Panic Attacks?”

Anakin smiles, “That and getting captured.”

“So you jest about it now?”

“Enjoy it while you can, Old Man.” Anakin returned to his origional spot beside Obi Wan, wrapping an arm around him. “I’ve got your back if you’ve got mine?”

“Always, Anakin.”

**Author's Note:**

> There ya have it! I think I have a guilty pleasure for unrequited love, because Ani's obviously got it hard here. I digress! Please, please leave a comment. They're always super appreciated! Thanks for reading.


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